When I was in massage school, I chose as my mentor and study partner, a woman who lived in Ocean City, MD. She was one of the few adults in the class, and one of the very few who, like me, had taken out a student loan to pay for the schooling. She had a tattoo on her wrist that said “enough.” I asked her “What does that mean? I HAVE enough? I AM enough? I’ve ENDURED enough?” She turned, thought for a brief moment and simply said “Yes.” When I finished school, and passed my Massage Boards (one of only 3 in my class who passed and obtained the officially became a Licensed Massage Therapist) I wanted to celebrate. I asked if she’d be offended if I also got a tattoo on my arm that said “enough.” She said she’d be flattered. That was my reward for finishing school and passing my boards, and starting my own practice. It is sort of a reminder to myself every time I look down at my arm.
This past week, I’ve spent time watching a lot of YouTube videos about single people living in vans. Many of the videos I’ve found are older women and, aside from age, I find I have little in common with most of them. A few of the videos were by young men. I seem to share a similar thought pattern with them (Despite the fact that one of their primary concerns was where they would put their surfboards in the van). I’m a bit jealous that they have come to some profound realizations about life at such a young age and at 67, I’m still trying to grasp many of those same concepts. Two of the young men I watched had a similar theme: You don’t need that much to be happy. Feel connected. Appreciate the earth, life, whatever you have. Instead of working on having more, appreciate ever day that you have enough.
The weather has been wonderfully autumnal this week, and on several occasions, I sat outside in the sun, reading my book. I have decided that I will start “van life” even before actually getting my van. Part of that entails being rather than doing. Someone turned me on to a book called Twleve By Twleve: A one room cabin off the grid and beyond the American dream. While reading in the waning sunshine, I came across this quote:
“She lives in enough. She has abundant fresh food in her gardens, the music of a creek, a network of friends, neighbors, and family. She and other wildcrafters in Pine Bridge and throughout the rich world are choosing downward mobility—living well instead of forever striving to live better.”
That seems so profound to me. I have too much. I have too much space to keep clean, to heat in the winter, to keep cool in the summer. I have too many kitchen gadgets and too many clothes. I started cleaning out a year ago preparing to downsize, and kept only the clothes that I thought I couldn’t live without. About 60% of those “must keeps” I have not worn since. I have photos and paintings, and pottery I made. I have multiple sets of sheets and blankets–enough to keep an army warm. I have dead dog’s ashes on my credenza. Too much is a burden. I just want enough.
If all goes well, I’ll be picking up my new (to me) van on Wednesday. It is about 75 square feet. I now live (and work) in 4,500 square feet. I’ll gradually move into my van. Whatever can fit will be enough. Everything that doesn’t fit will need to go. It is no longer needed. It is a burden.
I’m really believing that this van is the one for me. It gets inspected on Tuesday and I plan to pick it up in MD on Wednesday if all goes smoothly. I’ve been in contact with the German couple who are taking their last journey in it (they are on their way back now from Niagara Falls). They said they are sad to let it go. They’ve enjoyed their time in it traveling the U.S. They also assured me that all systems are working perfectly. After having my hopes crushed the last two times I thought I found a van, I’m trying to find the balance between believing and not getting my hopes too high before the complete inspection. But, I’ve already taken the steps to make it my own; some by my choice, some out of my control. In order to purchase it from someone in MD, I must have proof of insurance, so I’ve already insured it. I want to be able to live off-grid, in this van or whichever one I eventually get and that means a reliable solar package. I’ve been researching for 6 months and decided on the Titan 500 package. It’s a plug and play solar system with 500 watts of solar panels, a 3,000 watt inverter, and 2000 amp hour lithium ion battery (expandable to 8,000 watt hours should I decide I need more down the road—no pun intended.) They get rave reviews from many industry experts and are touted as the best solar package available. They are back ordered, and have been ever since they came out. They are on the second or third generation, and I ordered mine. It will be delivered sometime in January.
I feel like I’m committed. I believe this van will work out. If not, I can see that I’m getting closer with each try.