“How often at night when the heavens are bright
With the light from the glittering stars
Have I stood here amazed and asked as I gazed
If their glory exceeds that of ours.
Where the air is so pure, and the zephyrs so free,
The breezes so balmy and light,
That I would not exchange my home on the range,
For all of the cities so bright.
Home, home on the range…”
~ Dr. Brewster Higley
Soundtrack for a Sunday morning:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCi8rYIOnCc
I have had one of the best weeks I’ve had in a long time (and that’s saying something!) After my spelunking adventures last week, Braedon invited me to go to the Snowbowl. It is apparently a great ski resort in the winter, but in the summer, you can still buy lift tickets and ride the gondola up the mountain and explore and see for miles from 11,500 feet up. It was a great adventure.
Braedon baked us some potatoes for dinner that night. He was working in Sedona the following morning, so I decided to move on as well. I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go, and everywhere seemed to be hot and windy, so after packing up I drove around the area I was in and found a road that led deep into the forest. I got to a spot near a meadow and settled in. It turned out to be the right decision. The spot was secluded, level, had plenty of sun, was cool due to the altitude (a little over 8,000 feet) and very quiet.
On my way to that spot, I noticed a familiar skoolie parked off one of the side roads. I was certain it was my friend Jen who I see every year at SkooliePalooza. I texted to ask if she was in the area, and sure enough, it was her. She and her friend Lisa invited me to join them before they head north to the Grand Canyon, and so, as you are reading this, I’m probably setting up camp next to them.
Lessons From The Road: I now use a company called Travel-Fi for my internet service on the road. Their tiny wi-fi unit resembles a hockey puck. It has the advantage that it can connect to Verizon, AT&T, or T-Mobile for internet. It automatically searches for the best signal wherever I am and connects to that tower. It has been a good option for me, because sometimes I couldn’t get a good Verizon connection. This unit seems to always have a signal from at least one of the three major carriers. Lately, it has been shutting down on me in the middle of a YouTube video, or when watching Netflix. It would start right back up if I hit the “on button” but I noticed the unit itself was getting hot, even when it was cool in the van. I called Travel-Fi and they said it sounded like a defective battery and that it was still under the one-year warranty and if I sent it back they would replace it for free or refund my money. I asked if they could ship me out a new one, and when it arrived, I would ship back the one with the bad battery. He couldn’t do that and suggested that I buy a new one and when I got it, I could ship the damaged one back for a refund. He told me they were also having a sale for 4th of July, and I could upgrade to a better, faster model for only a couple bucks more. I decided to do that. I asked them to ship it to a Fed-Ex center inside a Walgreens. A few minutes later, I got a notice that it was shipping via USPS to that location. I called Walgreens to see if the Fed-Ex satellite would accept a package from USPS. They said they wouldn’t accept ANY packages. The satellite station was there as a drop off for Fed-Ex packages with pre-printed labels only. I looked for another Fed-Ex location and came across the one that Richard shipped my laptop to a couple weeks ago. I called Travel-Fi and they graciously changed the shipping address and changed it from USPS to Fed-Ex so there wouldn’t be any issues. I then went to the Fed-Ex store website where it was being shipped to check their hours, and their website said, “Permanently Closed.” I went back to Google to try to find a Fed-Ex store nearby that would receive a package for me. I couldn’t find one, so I called the Fed-Ex number. If there are any living humans working for Fed-Ex, it is impossible to talk to one. Their phone tree is so convoluted and obnoxiously condescending, and they will do ANYTHING to prevent you from ever talking to a person. I kept saying “Agent” and the saccharine voice would say “OK. I understand you would like to speak to an agent, but first, I need some more information so we can get you to the right department. Would you like to track a package, inquire about a specific item sent to you, get information on a package you’ve shipped, or something else?” I said, “Something else.” She (it) said, “OK, in a couple of sentences, tell me what I can help with.” I said I wanted to have a package shipped to a Fed-Ex store. The automated voice said, “I see you are calling from a cellular phone. I can text you the Fed-Ex web address so you can get information online.” I again said “Agent” and she kept trying to send me for online help. When I said “Agent” again, she said, “Thank you for choosing Fed-Ex. We appreciate your business. Good-bye.” And just like that, AI disconnected me. I called back two more times, determined to speak to a human. Nope. I tried giving bogus tracking numbers, tried saying I needed to drop off a package. The computer was having none of it. If I wanted help, I had to go online to get it. I gave up and called UPS to see if I could have a package dropped off at a UPS store nearby. It’s not possible to actually contact a local store, you have to call an 800 number and talk to UPS central. They too have a totally absurd phone tree, but finally they allowed me to wait on hold for 15 minutes to talk to an agent who couldn’t speak English. I asked if a UPS store would accept a package for me sent via USPS. The (real) woman said, “You want package ship from store to post office?” I said, “NO” and tried to explain again. It was a comedy routine that surpassed even “Who’s on first.” I finally said “I’m having trouble understanding you. Can I speak to someone else?” She said, “OK. Thank you for calling UPS. You have nice day.” And then she too hung up on me. I then tried to call a local post office to see about general delivery. You cannot call a local post office unless you already have their number. Every post office has an 800 number that gets you to a national USPS calling center with yet another bizarre phone tree, that eventually says you can wait on hold for a person. Ten minutes later, a person answers. Her voice is robotic and detached. She asks my name “to better serve” me. I tell her. Long silence. Does she know another Scott who she hates? I ask if she is there and after a long pause she asks, “How can I help you today, Scott.” I ask how I can get a package sent general delivery to a nearby post office. She informs me I must go into that post office ahead of time and ask to speak to the postmaster to get permission for a package to be sent and then fill out a couple of forms. I gave up. I went on Amazon and found the unit I wanted for the same sale price and ordered it. It will arrive at an Amazon locker a few miles down the road in Flagstaff on Wednesday.
The lesson is that corporations in America don’t give a shit about any of us anymore. They will go out of their way, and do whatever is necessary to not let us speak to a human. They don’t care. I was reminded of the old Lily Tomlin skit on Laugh In where she (Ernestine) tells the complaining customer “If you don’t like our service, try two Dixie cups and a piece of string. We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.”
It’s tough getting mail or packages in the wild. I usually have to jump through hoops or find some weird work-around to get a package. I am more often than not forced to use Amazon, and as much as I detest giving one penny to Jeff Bezos, he is often my only option.
See you down the road,