When I took Driver’s Ed in high school, my instructor would always emphasize “Aim high at the wheel.” I have to admit, I didn’t get it for the first several months, until one day I got behind the wheel and he explained. I was looking down the hood, at the first few feet in front of the car. He told me I was not looking at the big picture, and that once I was going 60 m.p.h, looking a few feet ahead would be futile and dangerous. I needed to see what was happening WAY out in front of me so I’d have time to react and make important decisions.
I haven’t thought about that in years, yet it has come to mind several times in the last few weeks. I think I’ve been doing the equivalent of looking “just a few feet in front of the hood ornament” and steering my life based on that limited information.
I had lunch with a dear friend this past weekend and spoke of my frustration about not being able to sell my building as quickly as I’d hoped and about not being on the road by now. I have thought of every possible way to get my van and leave without selling the building, and actually, I could do it. But I’d go into debt when I just became debt free. My goal is to work LESS, not to have an extra van payment which would be about the same as my current mortgage. Having two mortgage payments each month doesn’t fit into my retirement plans. So I was searching for a balance between keeping on track, trying to sell my building, planning to get on the road full time, and yet, not forcing things that don’t seem to work or make an artificial time frame that isn’t realistic. My friend gave me some good advice:
“Picture your goal. You want to be living in a van, on the road, visiting friends. Envision that. Picture it every day. Meditate on that outcome. See far into the future when you are living your van-life dream. Then live your life. Stop trying to force the details. Let it go and allow everything to unfold in the perfect time/space/sequence.” Yup. I was aiming pretty low at the wheel, trying to figure out details instead of keeping my eye on the desired outcome. By “aiming high at the wheel,” I can see where I want to be instead of trying to micromanage the next couple of feet.
So, as difficult as it is for me to let go, I’m really trying to envision my goals, and yet continue to live my life here and now until the time comes that i’m comfortably able to buy my van and move on. It is a balancing act. There are some pieces that I can, and need to be in charge of, like keeping on top of the real estate agent who has listed my property. He has done little, other than to put the property on the MLS. My contract with him is up in early January, and I will not continue to have him represent me. So I need to do some research and find a better agent who is willing to actually try to sell this property to potentially interested buyers. I also need to continue to downsize. I’ve gotten rid of a lot of stuff, but I realize that I have about 30 times the amount of “stuff” that could possibly fit in my van. I’m not ready to get rid of my bed and sofa and TV just yet, but do I really need 12 forks and 3 spatulas? Do I need 4 staplers and 3 tape dispensers on various desks throughout my house? I think it is time for round two of downsizing. But I have to keep balance in mind. I don’t want to be so obsessed with downsizing and moving out (which could take many more months before it actually happens) that I forget to keep living fully as I wait for the pieces to fall into place.